IN LONELINESS AND DESPAIR

"Insults have broken my heart and left me weak, I looked for sympathy but there was none; I found no one to comfort me." - Psalm 69:20-

Just imagine a life when you are lonely, suffering from pain, and there's no one to listen to what you've got to say. Yeah, it's hell. What about when, in addition to what you felt, you're also treated like a scum, making people around you wear their noses like they've smelling something rotten. Worse thing is, these people are your family. Just take for example in my case, where, I have a mother who never tried to understand how I feel. When I get so irritable because there is something which annoys me, she easily gets mad and throws accusations at me like I were the one who created those annoying things. She never pacifies me nor try to calm me. Instead, she puts on with it and feeds my anger more by scolding me; pointing out that I'm just being a brat and miserable because of me being so fat. Of course, what she's saying is out of the bounds of an argument. I am being so miserable because I have her as a mother. All other moms have been so attentive in asking their children on why they were behaving badly. Mine's got no concern; she's more concerned about how will I look to other people who might think of me as an overgrown elephant. What's more irritating is that I can't help but to get hurt by what she says. One day, I saw on her phone a message bound for my sister abroad which says that she thinks of me like a sow which needs to be feed all the time. What kind of mother will talk of her child like that? I may not be pleasing to her but what was she thinking when she sent that message to my sister? You know, when it happened that you were her daughter or her son, you would probably hate her like that. She pisses me off like hell. I wish I could trade her into someone who would listen to me and cherish me as her child.

And what would you feel also if you have an ex-boyfriend whom you love very much and he would act as if you never had a relationship at all? Imagine the pain you'll feel if you were telling him that you love him that much but all you get in reply was "Thanks." And maybe, if you'll tell him "I love you" again and again, you will get the same answer repeatedly which in the end you will feel that every time he replies the same,  you're feeling more and more hurt and vulnerable. It's no difference to a situation where you are being slapped repeatedly or in a situation where you're being ran over by a car, again and again. Sometimes it's better when you get to argue with a stranger for it will not hurt you that much. However, when the same argument comes from your loved one, it's not easy to deal with anymore. It's like being caught in a situation where you've got nowhere to run. You have to deal with it and bear the pain. In my case, I have to bear the pain; I get insults and accusations, take them all inside and when the time comes that I will need help, I'll just abandon the thought for there's no one to listen to my lamentations. I'll have to absorb the pain and live in despair. There's no  one coming for me.

DISAPPOINTMENTS IN UFC 125

I was checking on the net when I saw a friend's tweet saying that Vera's nose was smashed up! I wasn't able to see it on TV for I have been spending the time dreaming about someone. It was only past 4:00 in the afternoon when I realized that UFC 125 had already took place. It was then in this late night that I get to watch the replay on TV. The preliminary bouts were quite exciting most especially that of Guida's and of Gomi. At first I thought Gomi's gonna win the match. However, because of Guida's playful mood, it turned out that he outlasted the Gomi's fighting skills.What's more surprising in the event also was the match between the Korean MMA star Dong Hyun Kim and Nate Diaz. It was obvious that Nate Diaz thought that he won the fight however, the judges' score cards were in favor of Kim. Kim won via unanimous decision. 

The main event was between Maynard and Frankie Edgar who recently defeated BJ "The Prodigy" Penn. On the first round, Edgar was dominated by Maynard; he even tumbled down because of the blows thrown by Maynard. In the next four rounds, it was an exchange of numerous blows and take down attempts. In the end, it was surprising that the score cards turned it to be a split draw, with Edgar retaining his title. Maynard was truly disappointed.  

 Lastly, it was Vera and Thiago Silva's turn inside the Octagon. Vera, who was defeated in his last match wanted his comeback to be victorious. He had undergone facial surgeries after his match with Jon Jones. Alas, the match between him and Silva was no difference. Silva defeated him via unanimous decision. It was a total dominance of Thiago Silva, whose wits and power overdone Vera's fighting skill. Vera had not done so much in this fight. It's kinda annoying that he got to brandished the Filipino flag in his fighting trunks. I am proud of him because he's a Filipino but the way he acted inside the Octagon was no thing that's worth my full attention. He should train well and really hard. However, I think he needs his broken nose to be fixed first. It's no hard feat however when you clown around when your nose's broken. It was such a humiliation for Vera. Well, lessons are learned after every match but fighters should take note that even if they think that they have enough skill to win, there's always a chance that their weaknesses will be discovered which will lead to their downfall.